This is the last installment in a series of articles that explores the topic of burnout from a spiritual perspective.

A few years ago, I went through, what felt to me, to be a long season of burnout. Every day, I drove to work, begging God to let me get a job anywhere but my home unit. I desperately wanted to leave my floor and had recently come to the conclusion that leaving my profession altogether would be the best course of action for my own mental health. It never worked out for me to leave, and I knew deep down in my gut that God wanted me exactly where he had me.

It was in that bone-dry, soul-weary, maddening place of burnout that I started seeking the hard answers for life in scripture. I had been going through a spiritual crisis of sorts. After a couple of years of taking care of pediatric medical psych patients, I had more questions about God than answers. My soul was weary from the daily walk through darkness, and my heart felt shattered beyond repair from watching so many innocents endure horrific evil.

It was in that dark place, in a moment of frustration, that I challenged God to show up and prove himself in scripture. The trite Christianese answers no longer sufficed and seemed to me to be a slap in the face. I knew those pat, shallow responses were not the deep, unfathomable God that I knew. But where was he in the darkness? And more importantly to me, where was he in the deep, dark trenches of evil in this world?

So I opened my Bible, and I asked God to show me all the ugly things I was seeing in the lives of my patients- incurable diseases, death, abuse, addiction, oppression- and show me where he was in those spaces. And you know what? He did just that. Every time I opened the Bible to read a passage, I read the most horrific stories. I was rocked by the horror and devastating sin that I trudged through in those pages. But then he would whisper to my heart, come back, and look deeper. Do you see me here? Do you see how I’m responding here? This is who I am, and this is what I think about sin and evil.

It was an emotional rollercoaster. I was horrified at work as I cared for children who had endured unspeakable evil and as I read of the patterns of sin relayed in scripture. And then the pendulum would swing, and I would be in awe of God’s character contrasted with the seeming pervasive darkness in the history of Israel. Then, I would go to work and see a new mercy, hope shining in the darkness.

One day, I realized that the suffocating tendrils of burnout had loosened. I no longer cried on my way to work. My dread of the day was ebbing, and I was able to see my patients in new ways. God was changing my heart as he answered my questions in his word. It was a season of hope and renewed purpose.

Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 11, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I am gentle and lowly in Spirit and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

How do we learn from the risen Lord who is currently at the right hand of the Father in heaven? By reading his word. By praying, and being honest and open with him with our questions, hurts, griefs, and anger. He will teach you a better way of living.

Though I am no longer at the bedside and can happily tell you that I am no longer burned out, this year has been a heavy one for me. It has been filled with much loss. Loss of life, loss of relationships, changes in family dynamics, disappointments in ministry. At times, my soul has felt so very weary by the steady stream of loss that seems to be reverberating in my life.

So, at the beginning of this year, when the cracks started appearing, I ran to the Lord for help. I embedded my heart in his word and shaped my days to be filled with God. Though some days have been so bitter, God’s sweet mercies have permeated all the in-between moments. In grief, praising God has been sweeter. In loss, God’s friendship has been nearer. In change, his presence has been steadfast. I have experienced his love more acutely, more deeply, more tenderly than I could have imagined.

I share these painful moments with you to unfold a hidden truth to you. It’s not hidden because God keeps things from people. Rather, it is hidden in the sense that few have tried to find it. This is the truth: If you embed yourself in scripture, in both the good and difficult seasons of life, you will not only find rest, peace, hope, joy, and flourishing; you will also be changed.

I came out of that season of burnout, not because my circumstances changed but because the Lord changed me through his word. And the bitterness of his year has not been wiped away. No. It is still there. It still throbs and aches. But the sweetness of God’s presence as I have run to him is stronger than the bitterness. So, what was once espresso has now become a tiramisu.

My dear friends, open God’s word. Ask questions, and listen for the answers. Jesus tells the church, “Behold I stand at the door and knock” (Revelation 3:20). He is here with you now, knocking on the door of your heart. Invite him into your burnout. Invite him into the mess of your life. Let him untangle the tentacles of burnout. Allow him to save you. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be open to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened” (Matthew 7:7-8)

“For everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13)

Rest and Peace in Scripture

The Path of Flourishing

Grace and Peace in the Shadow of the Almighty